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I've been coaching for a few years now, and the biggest thing I've learnt - both for me and for my clients - is that inner confidence is the key to it all.
There are all kinds of strategies, ways of thinking, patterns of behavior and practical tips for improving your life and feeling better about yourself, but they're all redundant if the foundation isn't there. That foundation is knowing the real you; knowing deep down, who you are. It takes confidence to find that truth and then to reveal it. Here are two keys to developing real inner confidence.
Get To Know Your Values
Your personal values are one of the most important things you need to be aware of - which are vital to having genuine inner confidence. Your values are embedded ten thousand feet down inside you, right at the very core of who you are; and they’re the building blocks, the foundations and cornerstones for you. A value is something (within yourself, in others or in the world) that’s most important to you, and could include things like beliefs, progress, family, fun, nature, achievement or freedom.
Why is it that some people and situations leave you feeling angry, frustrated, unmotivated or deflated? It’s because one or more of your values is being denied, suppressed or repressed. You respond in a negative way because it’s denying a fundamental piece of who you are. You know those times when you’ve felt really alive in the company of others, or when facing various circumstances? Those are the times when one or more of your values are being honored, and you can get more of that by living according to them.
Your values are all yours, and no matter what happens, no one can ever take them away. You can have absolute confidence in them because they’re there all the time just waiting for you to notice and use them. When you get to know your values, you can start to make choices and align your life around them. It’s so simple and it feels amazing because all that really means is that you’re allowing who you are, to live in the real world.
Exercise the Muscle
Confidence is a muscle, and like any muscle you need to exercise it so that it doesn’t shrink and waste away. The problem is that unlike the muscles in your body your 'confidence muscle' can be harder to find. How do you develop your biceps or firm up your glutes? By doing exercises that are designed to work those particular muscles over a period of time until you see the results you were looking for.
It’s just the same with confidence. Let’s say that you’re the kind of person that doesn’t take many risks, the kind of person who goes through each day doing only what needs to be done - and doing it well, but not really stretching yourself. You might talk yourself out of doing something because it’s too scary or because you think to yourself ‘I’m not good enough,’ ‘that’s not who I am’ or ‘I don’t really want it anyway.’ That kind of person lives within the boundaries of what they know and what keeps them safe and comfortable. The fewer risks they take, the less confident they need to be and so the less confident they become.
To work your confidence muscle you need to be prepared to take risks – big or small. You need to be willing to stretch yourself in an unfamiliar direction, to try something new or try something in a slightly different way. You need to open yourself up to the possibilities around you and push yourself to increase what you know, what you do and who you are. The more open you are to risk, change, opportunity and possibility, the more confidence you'll develop. That’s your confidence muscle – the question is: what are the ways in which you are going to exercise it?"
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