Updated: Oct 14
Christmas is coming up in a few weeks. It’s hard to believe how quickly a year goes by.
This time of year could conjure up a variety of emotions in you, depending on your experiences. For some, there may be sadness as you gear yourself up to get through such a special time without a loved one; for others it’s the most joyful occasion – looked forward to all year - and you take the opportunity to go all out in your celebration of the season (for the grandkids’ sake of course).
From my own personal point of view, Christmas is not a happy time. The feelings of dread, anxiety and sadness start to stir at the sight of the first decorations in shops. I loathe the sound of Christmas jingles and the hustle and bustle in shopping centers. Now before you think this is a Christmas-bashing-blog, give me a minute to explain myself.
Within my ‘human hard-drive programming’, I have some trauma that needs to be dealt with. The Christmas season is merely the trigger of all those accumulated, unhealed memories, surfacing at the same time.
Around 19 years ago, all of my family met up at my grandparent’s house for Christmas in Durban, South Africa. My grandfather was on his deathbed – riddled with cancer. He was connected to a morphine drip to help manage the pain, and he was in and out of consciousness for the duration of our visit. It was the first time I’d seen him in a while, and I was shocked at how the disease had ravaged his body.
Christmas day arrived and I went in to see him. It wasn’t his best day. I crawled up onto the bed next to him, hugging him and crying into his neck. My aunt came into the room and tried to coax me out to join the rest of the family, who were gathered in the living room - ready to open presents.
Frankly, I was not in the mood to leave the side of my dying grandfather to open presents. I could hear the laughing coming from the living room where the rest of the family was enjoying each other’s company and I did not feel that my emotional state was up to the joking and festivities. I did not want to enjoy myself while my grandfather was excluded, in pain and close to the end of his life. I was already struggling with guilt: what if I never showed him how much I loved him while he was alive? What if he never knew what he meant to me? I had one more opportunity for him to know that. I declined joining the family. I wanted to grieve. I wanted time with my grandfather. My aunt became frustrated and snapped: ‘you’re ruining this day for everyone. Stop being so selfish and get out there’.
Now, I had anger to add to my already heightened emotions. As I respect my elders, I obeyed and went to join the rest of the family. My heart and attitude was not in the right place. I made an internal vow: ‘you may have got me out here, but I will NEVER allow myself to enjoy this day’.
The wiring of my internal human hard drive was set. My internal file labelled ‘Christmas’ determined from that day onwards: ‘this is how you will respond when the ‘Christmas trigger’ is activated: you will feel sadness, grief, guilt, anger, disassociated, distant, anxious, depressed … You will not allow yourself to enjoy the day when there are people out there, in pain and suffering’.
Consciously, I don’t replay these events every Christmas day, but unconsciously, I will never forget these events of Christmas day. These have become the pictures in my heart that are loaded with stress. And just one trigger … the sight of a Christmas decoration … is enough to bring all these to the surface and they become a toxic internal environment that affects not only my emotions, but my body as well. These negative thoughts, emotions and beliefs become what is known as ‘destructive cellular memories’ within my body. Enough of these unhealed memories bring sickness and disease (this is a statement that can be backed up scientifically).
Proverbs 4:26 says “Guard your heart above all else, for out of it flow the issues of life”. If you have an issue in your life, it comes from a wrong picture you have in your heart. It is an unhealed memory that puts your body into ‘fight or flight’ mode when the right trigger is activated.
Here’s a scary fact: the issue I considered as being in the past (19 years ago), is still causing me pain today. And that pain comes through at the same intensity as when it first happened. My body cannot separate the fact that this is an old memory I’m visiting. If I think about it (or am triggered into thinking about it), my body re-lives the event as though it was happening, right now.
These heart issues need to be healed before you can move on from them. Until they are healed, they will hold you captive.
What if depression, grief, guilt, shame, fear, anxiety etc. could be forever dismantled in your life - together with their triggers? How amazing would life be?
These are some of the things I’ve learned how to work on, in my journey to becoming a Healing Code Practitioner. It CAN be done. Your commitment to that healing would be as little as 6-8 minutes per day. If you’d like to know how, join one of my free custom healing code calls. I offer one free call each month, with a maximum capacity of 30 people on each call. To keep updated on when those are scheduled for, sign up to my Newsletter or like my TriuneWholeness Facebook page. Alternatively, book a paid session via my website. Your life will never be the same.
To end my story: this event wouldn’t make my ‘Top 5 Traumas’ list if you asked me to name those. However, the ramifications of my programming were felt each year at this time, which showed me that it can’t just be swept under the rug. I wrote this blog in the present tense - as though I was dealing with this now. However this is truly in my past. I have already taken my own medicine and created my own custom healing codes to work through these issues.
The result is that the sting has been taken out of the memories. I have noticed that the beautifully decorated shops are no longer a source of contention within me. I still don’t like the Christmas jingles, but I’m ok with that. I can fondly remember my grandfather without feelings of sadness, guilt or regret.
To you and your family: have a beautiful Christmas and a very happy, healthy and prosperous new year.
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